How Do You Talk to Your Partner About Women’s Urinary Incontinence?

In our previous article  we discussed when you might want to discuss your urinary incontinence issues with your partner–such as when your partner begins wondering whether your coping behaviors signal that you are heading for a breakup! Hopefully that article gave you some motivation and encouragement to raise this sticky subject with your partner, before he or she gets the wrong idea about your relationship.

Yet, women’s urinary incontinence is an embarrassing topic at the best of times. In fact, talking about symptoms such as urinary urgency or urinary leakage can feel so humiliating that almost half of all women never seek medical help. But don’t worry. With the right preparation, you can definitely have a successful conversation with your partner about your urinary incontinence issues. You don’t have to be humiliated or embarrassed. Plus, hopefully you and your partner will emerge on the other side of the conversation with more clarity and understanding about this health issue.

Preparing for “The Talk”
Once you have committed to having “the talk” with your partner, you don’t simply want to dive into the conversation at will. Instead, take the time to prepare yourself for the conversation. You will want to consider:

  • when to raise the issue
  • the exact points you want to raise during the conversation
  • whether you will give your partner brochures or other educational materials to read
  • the questions your partner may raise, and how you want to answer those questions

The above points are all crucial to having a successful conversation with your partner about your women’s urinary incontinence. In this article, we will focus on choosing a good time to talk to your partner. In future articles, we will cover other preparations for your talk, including making a list of points you wish to cover and how to educate your partner about your condition.

Choosing the Right Time to Discuss Your Urinary Incontinence
Choosing the right moment to discuss your urinary incontinence issues with your partner can have a big impact on the outcome of the conversation. For instance, you definitely don’t want to raise the issue if both of you are already in bed or perhaps headed toward an intimate moment. Talk about the wrong time to raise the issue of urinary incontinence.

Instead, when thinking of potential “good” moments to raise the issue, look for moments where you will have:

  • guaranteed privacy
  • plenty of time
  • one-on-one time that is face-to-face
  • a neutral setting that is neither too romantic nor too sterile

Using the points above, you probably won’t choose to talk about urinary urgency or leakage at your local bar, where friends or wait staff are likely to “pop in” on your conversation at any given time. By the same token, avoid having the conversation over the phone. While your partner will probably be much more accepting of the conversation than you expect, phone conversations make it difficult to interpret silences. You won’t know whether a moment of silence simply means your spouse is digesting the information or is truly horrified by the news. Having the conversation face-to-face is crucial so you can read your partner’s reactions, and respond accordingly.

Be sure to schedule enough time to not only convey your information, but also to allow your partner to fully understand the information and ask as many questions as necessary. In addition, choose a moment when you are both in neutral territory. A romantic dinner isn’t really a logical place to have this conversation, but neither is a business office. Instead, schedule a hike or picnic in a quiet location. This allows you privacy and closeness with your partner, but without the overtones of romance.

Just Remember…
If you start to feel anxious as you prepare for “the talk” with your partner, just remember this: your partner is likely to be much happier knowing what is happening with you than guessing why you are acting oddly. If your partner knows that you have urinary urgency and often need to rush to the bathroom, he or she will be less likely to feel hurt when you abruptly terminate a conversation to do so.  The fact of the matter is that both of you will feel better after the talk. You will no longer carry the burden of constantly trying to “act normal,” and your partner will no longer have to wonder what’s happening with your relationship.

Start planning the “when” of your talk now. Then stay tuned because in upcoming articles we will talk about the actual nuts and bolts of the conversation itself, including offering you a number of tools that can make the conversation go more smoothly!

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